When Thomas Jefferson learned of the death of Abigail Adams, he wrote a stirring letter of condolence to his sometimes friend, sometimes enemy, John Adams, where he declared himself, “…tried in the school of affliction by the loss of every form of connection which can rive the human heart…” Not exactly a Hallmark sympathy card, our go-to when someone dies.

We struggle with writing simple letters of sympathy and hire others to write obituaries for the people we know best in our lives. And we are not alone—many of the most eloquent writers and notable public figures throughout history have created and broken the rules around death writing etiquette in spectacular fashion. They have also left breadcrumbs for us to follow when considering our own responses to people who have experienced the loss of a loved one.

Together we will explore the art of creating condolence letters, obituaries, and other forms of death writing by reading pieces by famous authors and taking a look at traditions and trends. Then we’ll cast a fresh eye on what goes into satisfying and meaningful writing for both the sender and the receiver today.